Looking for trouble with a candle in broad daylight.

I've been thinking.

Yes, I know. Never a good thing.

But, I've been thinking about me and the scruffy-rat-bastard.

What if... what if I don't want to become him? Do I have a choice in the matter? I don't know what happened to me to become him. I mean, I know that my world being destroyed was a breaking point but what else was happening? What else had happened in my life to break me like that?

Then there's the fact that we've - at least as far as I know - really split our timelines when I joined the pack and fell for Vahl. I know for sure, as sure as the sun rises, that he and Vahl were never anything. Ever. Vahl's barely tolerated, and only because of Phoenix.

Like an ugly vase that you'd love to toss but your partner has serious sentimental attachments to it and there's no way you could "accidentally" break it without them knowing it was you doing it on purpose. (Sorry Vahl, if you read this.)

Maybe being with Vahl will prevent me from breaking like that. Then what? What about Phoenix? We've talked about how me getting my head on straight helps my Phoenix get his head on straight. But what if I need to crack? He's more powerful than I am. More willing to do things. Because he cracked. Because he doesn't care any more.

If I don't do that... then I might not be able to do something the things I did to help Phoenix.

Ugh. I'm pulling myself in circles.

I think I've been standing still too long and letting myself think alone in my head. Boring myself. I need to go do something.

Dunno what though.

List of things to do.

1. Find place to live that isn't some sort of odd temporal place. Hijacking the halfling me isn't fair to him.

2. Make sure place isn't in the Nexus. Lovely place, but just not doing it for me.

3. Maybe it should be back home.

4. With Jono.

5. He'd like that a lot. But I think I'd want more autonomy. Love him dearly but he can be a bit possessive at times. I think he's living some what vicariously through me, not being able to leave the temple that often.

6. Find possible weapon bearers. I have four shinies. Someone should be able to use them.

7. Would outside my world be viable?

8. I wonder if I could close Nexus portals. After all that's what the sword is supposed to do. Close rifts in time.

9. I'd probably get into trouble if I did. "Who said you could close that rift... or open that one... never mind it's letting me back home... blah blah blah."

10. Peanut butter. I really want some peanut butter.

11. With cheese maybe.

12. And wine. I originally wrote whine ... probably has to do with number nine.

13. Sometimes I wish the tab key would actually indent.

14. Also, there should be an "any key". Just to help the stupid people.

15. I think I should stop now, as this isn't really a list anymore.